Deserted
Last night I had a nightmare, after seven hours of editing a project I’m currently working on. With a race against time. Seven hours of editing and burnout. India has most definitely brought out the worst in me, or perhaps the very best. I threatened to call the police on someone for harassing me yesterday and called someone a name (laughing face).
No this is NOT a trauma sensitive blog post. This is a personal blog, but not too personal, that section will be coming soon. In a sense i’m proud of myself. I’d love to see the reactions of people in The UK if I ever return. When I start setting aggressive boundaries like this… But no one wants to have to do that, you shouldn’t have to reach the point of breaking point for your boundaries to be respected. Your boundaries are your right as a human being. Individuals that test your boundaries repeatedly are doing so from a deep need to control others. They know exactly what they’re doing. Stating that, ‘They don’t know any different’ is a petty excuse because you need to learn different and you’re about to. One way or another in this life time if you inflict abuse or harm on others, or toy with peoples boundaries for a sense of control you will have to learn.
I was in the desert, my siblings were the desert, turned to dust. My parents faces and the words, ‘Nothing happened, it wasn’t real, no one believes you.’
A representation of the betrayal at being scapegoated by my siblings to protect our mother from the law. A true example of the psychological imprints of being gaslighted by abuse from an early age, imprinted into the subconsciousness. The collective unconscious is now your predator, you are the target, prey in the wild and now deserted. Deserted by my family, betrayed. Betrayed by my community, by my friends, by the system, social services, the police, my government, my country. Completely and utterly betrayed and deserted.
But I will never forget and neither will those who absued me. I know and you know. You can gaslight your prey and your audiences as much as you please. Charm the crowds and toy with peoples morality. Even to the point of success, tear peoples reality apart, destroy relationships and peoples lives and mental health. But once they put it all back together there’s no going back for you, them or me. Now, I am undeafeatable, my truth, my reality, my story robust. Never will I allow this to happen again. Shame on the women and men who betrayed me, my siblings, my family and my country.
This is the effect of the psychological abuse tactics abusers inflict upon their victims. They destroy your reality, brainwash you and gaslight you behind the scenes so that you’re never believed. Even falsifying empathy when confronted to pull you back in, creating doubt in the mind… and the cycle repeats until you leave, or cut contact. The false empathy a simple trap, a tactic, a play on your mind and your heart to prevent you from speaking the truth and an attempt at normalising their abuse. Blocking your throat chakra. Your ability to speak the truth, playing with your perception of events, convincing you what happened didn't happen. It was in your imagination, you made it all up, or ‘your perception is different from mine’. Of course it is, I have empathy and respect for other living beings so I wouldn’t inflict cruelty, abuse, or harm upon them.
Even to the psychopathic extent of, ‘How dare you say that about me, how dare you make that up about me, or accuse me of that,’ when confronted for their abuse. Or, when you speak out, or open up to others about what they did to you. As if you don’t have the right as a human being to seek support after being abused, or assaulted. They play the victim when you speak up. These people destroy lives and toy around with reality, turning people into dust, leaving you deserted.